Spoof budget:
From the Deputy junior for budgeted deputised forecasts.
"The price of Jaffa Cakes shall continue to rise by 15% due to Vladimir Putin's war. Conversely, whatever that means, the price of a Snickers bar shall reduce by 15% because nobody really likes Snickers.
The base salary for all MPs shall drop to £30,000 and MPs willl no longer be able to claim for their total broadband and other bills, instead claiming only for an estimated percentage actually used for work purposes.
A debate centre shall be set up as an adjoined building to the House of Commons. Here members of the public shall debate and speak with the Prime Minister.
Every adult moving into a new house shall receive a free bar of chocolate.
The leader of the opposition, Kemi take-a-lot, asked me to confirm whether this would be per adult or per grouping. I confirm to the House that it is per adult. So say we have two adults moving together; each will receive a bar of chocolate. This deal is made possible due to our new alliance with Aldi.
A new office, titled minister for administering ministerable ministers, shall be setup immediately and then immediately shutdown, as an example of how to waste money and how committed we are to continuing this long-held British tradition, which crosses party lines.
Speaking of a grand waste of money, HS2, from today, shall be known as HS3. This evolution shall involve evolving involvements and help constitute a new age of stupidity.
The cost of rebranding alone shall cost upwards of a cost of £99 billion pounds- in cost. But not costed. The actual bill may vary.
Finally. The title and office of Prime Minister shall be abolished, to be replaced with the new title and office of: Lord captain of the starry skies.
I commend this budget to the House.
Whatever that means."
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