Ramblings of an alleged Dukat
I was scrolling down my blog posts not an hour go and as thoughts resurfaced regarding how badly I am coping with grief, brought on by an early post mentioning said subject, it made me remember also of Dukat's breakdown in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, with my support network naturally saying what was also said to him, that it was important to talk about Zyial. Regarding my Zyial, there would never be any danger whatsoever of me not talking of Alice. I have done since I first met her, now nearly ten years ago. She was and remains a light in my life. A true champion, a true selfless being. Her wisdom, her face, it comforts and assures, it binds itself to my soul. I miss her more than words can ever express. She was not just a Friend, I was in love with her, as a Friend. I loved her to pieces and still do. She was unique, she was creative, she was herself and that was all she needed to be. Naturally I feel I let her down. Although I was struggling myself when she went back into hospital I find it hard to condone my behaviour, that surely I could have squeezed out more energy and overrode my personal difficulties to visit her in hospital, as I so wanted to, to be there for her, to support her, to love her.
But I do feel empowered also. It is without a doubt my love for Alice that keeps me going and on top of that keeps me sane, keeps my personality strong despite the horrendous pull grief has on you, the lure of loneliness to have you alone.
Sisko found himself forgave by Dukat. Perhaps for us it is ourselves we need to return the ball to. It is ourselves we need to learn to forgive.
Another random post. I did not intend to end with that Star Trek reference but I think it fit quite nicely. Here is a picture referencing said scene.
I do not own the copyright to this image and apologise unreservedly for uploading it without obtaining express permission from the owners of Star Trek media. I think very carefully about uploading images I do not have clear rights to do so
I was scrolling down my blog posts not an hour go and as thoughts resurfaced regarding how badly I am coping with grief, brought on by an early post mentioning said subject, it made me remember also of Dukat's breakdown in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, with my support network naturally saying what was also said to him, that it was important to talk about Zyial. Regarding my Zyial, there would never be any danger whatsoever of me not talking of Alice. I have done since I first met her, now nearly ten years ago. She was and remains a light in my life. A true champion, a true selfless being. Her wisdom, her face, it comforts and assures, it binds itself to my soul. I miss her more than words can ever express. She was not just a Friend, I was in love with her, as a Friend. I loved her to pieces and still do. She was unique, she was creative, she was herself and that was all she needed to be. Naturally I feel I let her down. Although I was struggling myself when she went back into hospital I find it hard to condone my behaviour, that surely I could have squeezed out more energy and overrode my personal difficulties to visit her in hospital, as I so wanted to, to be there for her, to support her, to love her.
But I do feel empowered also. It is without a doubt my love for Alice that keeps me going and on top of that keeps me sane, keeps my personality strong despite the horrendous pull grief has on you, the lure of loneliness to have you alone.
Sisko found himself forgave by Dukat. Perhaps for us it is ourselves we need to return the ball to. It is ourselves we need to learn to forgive.
Another random post. I did not intend to end with that Star Trek reference but I think it fit quite nicely. Here is a picture referencing said scene.
I do not own the copyright to this image and apologise unreservedly for uploading it without obtaining express permission from the owners of Star Trek media. I think very carefully about uploading images I do not have clear rights to do so
Comments
Post a Comment